'AWNIOGO': NORTON (A)

Saturday May 27

Any team that harbours serious promotion aspirations must fancy taking 40 points from Norton this year. Last season’s wooden spoon ‘winners’ have taken a monumental nosedive in form during recent times. It wasn’t all that long ago that they were one of Section B’s top teams and promotion candidates themselves, but that was the era of Nigel Davies, Martin Bradshaw, Mike Ikin, Gary Inglis, Ken Shuttleworth and, as professional, a certain character with a Lovejoy-style Barnet. Nowadays the hired help comes in the shape of Guyana’s Andy Jackman, but unfortunately for Norton he rarely turns up. Literally. 

Ken Shuttleworth, ex-Norton (the first England player I played against)

Once again I was only partially fit having strained the ligaments in my right ankle playing football on a greasy outfield after nets on Friday evening. This is the same ankle that I broke in 1992 whilst, by a strange coincidence, playing football on the outfield! Once bitten, twice shy? You’d think so… The look on Heardy’s face when he saw me limp back into the bar twenty minutes after running out with a football in my hands was priceless, although I have to admit to feeling just a bit of an idiot. So, on Saturday morning I hobbled down to the sports shop in town, handed over £7.99 for a state-of-the-art ankle support, stoked myself up on co-proxymol, and got into my awaiting chariot, the Heardmobile. 

The scenario that was awaiting us at Norton C.C. was quite encouraging: the opposition had no professional; the wicket was sporadically dotted with wet patches; and our team was extremely fired up having drawn two and lost the other of the last three matches. The team was the same as last week’s except for one enforced change. Wayne Stones had gone to the Isle of Skye to try and kill himself by climbing up 1,000 feet high sheer rock faces, so we welcomed Rugeley’s finest, Dave Astle, into the side for his 1st XI debut.

We won the toss and invited them to attempt to bat first. Things started well enough with Mauler bowling Mick Caddie neck and crop in the third over. Then Billy – obviously in a hurry to get some wickets so that he could shoot off to his all-day rave in Milton Keynes – removed West to leave Norton on 12 for 2. 

From that point on things went badly as it took us another hour and a half to take the third wicket as Boulton and MacBeth took the score to 81. They prospered largely due to some missed opportunities in the outfield. Billy dropped a difficult chance at long-off, Seth spilled an easy one at deep extra-cover, and Barry Brian missed an absolute dolly at slip. Boulton’s knock was the better of the two, but MacBeth, all knees and elbows, supported well by way of a catalogue of ungainly strokes until Addo finally removed him in his tenth over, thanks to a brilliant, low one-handed catch at slip by the newly smiling Mauler. MacBeth’s 34 had been carved out from 129 deliveries, and he can consider himself the best player in the county to share his name with a Shakespearean tragic hero (aside, perhaps, from Clive Othello of Meakins). 

After MacBeth’s dismissal, it was a display of pure comedy batsmanship. The wickets tumbled without us doing a great deal at all. The track was taking a lot of spin and whilst Harv bowled steadily in a supporting role it was Jonny Agile that did the damage. Having taken 0 for 20 from his first 9 overs, he finished with the amazing figures of 7 for 24 off 15.5 overs. Norton’s last 8 wickets had fallen in the space of 11 overs for a paltry 18 runs, leaving us a target of exactly 100 for victory.

Things started quite comfortably as we gathered 31 runs from the first 10 overs. I had offered one chance when, after a rush of blood, I skied Slater to mid-on, but the chance was missed and after that we were in cruise control. Norton were much too slow in bringing the spinners on and by the time they did we had made over half the runs. Only bad weather could now deny us victory but Addo and I were on the case. Black clouds were ominously gathering overhead and a downpour looked imminent as the wind became so strong that the sight-screens repeatedly blew over. At 73 for 0 from 20 overs we decided to leave nothing to chance and smashed off the remaining runs in 16 deliveries. The victory became immeasurably sweeter when we heard that we were the only side in the section to have claimed 20 points, our rivals all suffering at the hands of the weather. 

windy day at Norton

With Addo in a good mood I took the opportunity of telling him that I would not be available for the Talbot Cup Quarter-Final against Newcastle as I had a prior commitment to play for Nottingham University in the last 16 of the BUSA Championships. He wasn’t pleased and didn’t mince his words, describing it as “schoolboy cricket”. Apart from the fact that I will only have this year and next to play with the University, it was a massive insult to my team to describe them as “schoolboy” (they’d got their school qualifications, after all), particularly after we’d just played a league match against a side that would struggle in the Stone League. Anyway, we agreed to disagree…

MODDERSHALL WON BY 10 WICKETS 

NORTON 99 all out (48.5 overs) 
I Boulton 43, K MacBeth 34, J Addison 7-24
MODDERSHALL 100 for 0 (22.4) 
J Addison 56*, S Oliver 43*

MODDERSHALL 20 points
NORTON 1 point

'AWNIOGO': KIDSGROVE (H)

"Come over to my side"

Saturday, May 20

For some reason or another, Moddershall versus Kidsgrove has become, of late, a reasonably tense fixture. If not quite a grudge match, then there’s definitely a certain edge to proceedings. This seems all the more bizarre considering that four of their players have turned out for Moddershall in the Midweek League. Be that as it may, I arrived at Moddershall early, among the first, and, psychologically ready to do battle, went to investigate the pitch. It looked reasonably flat but a little bit of grass had been left on, which, added to a hint of moisture, suggested assistance for both sides’ seamers. Considering our opponent’s notoriously defensive approach, it was especially important that we won the toss; unfortunately, Gary Stanyer called correctly and didn’t hesitate in asking us to have a bat.

With the ball darting around off the pitch, we began circumspectly. The main task was seeing off Stefan Read, Kidsgrove’s new professional, signed from our local rivals Meir Heath. Despite the physical exertion of running a half-marathon six times every over, Read bowled a probing opening spell with the new ball and gave me a Frisbee-sized bruise on the fleshy part of my thigh (people might counter that most, if not all of my ample thigh is fleshy). At the other end, Read’s partner, Steve Groom, bowled more like a bride and duly allowed Addo to inject some momentum into our innings as I struggled away at the other end. I managed to occupy the crease well enough, but my timing wasn’t there and I missed several opportunities to score off my pads, normally my bread-and-butter shot. Having launched him into the upper branches of the scotch pines three times last season, Mick Fairbanks’ introduction to the attack was therefore a welcome sight. Unfortunately, I was bowled through the gate by only his second ball having laboured to 29. 

report from the 1994 game: Richard Cooper in Chuckle Brother phase

Harv joined an Addo who was beginning to get into his stride and he immediately increased the tempo, being particularly severe on Dave Wellings. After a number of brutal strokes, Dickie holed out on 35 to leave us at 154 for 2 with only half an hour remaining until tea. Kidsgrove’s over-rate would have put the West Indies to shame and their field settings had, on the whole, been absurdly negative, with seven fielders on the boundary at times. Nevertheless, spoiling tactics or no, we had to score some quick runs before tea to enable us to declare. Addo took up the challenge and after completing his century from 130 balls, decided to really cut loose, smashing 5 fours and a six in the next three overs before being caught on the boundary. Mauler, clearly unhappy at coming in at number 5, joined Hawky for the last over before the interval and saw us through to the double-Nelson from 51 overs. Although it wasn’t quite as many runs as we would have liked, we realized that prolonging the innings any further would kill the game and, with this in mind, the declaration was made. 

Whilst Kidsgrove’s batting line-up is respectable enough, it contains few real explosive match-winners. We believed that a couple of early wickets – especially that of Wellings – would see Kidsgrove abandon any designs they might have had on overhauling our target. Shaun Brian shared the new ball with Billy as Mauler had spat the dummy over being dropped down the order. I sympathised with his disappointment over the demotion, particularly as he hadn’t done all that much wrong in previous games, but refusing to bowl is inexcusable. Hopefully John would soon come to his senses because he is an extremely important member of the side and would be needed on many occasions if we were to be promoted. 

Wellings would be with us the following year...
BACK: S Brian, Hawkins, I Carr, A heard, B Brian, D Stones, S Oliver
FRONT: D Wellings, J Myatt, J Addison, W Stones

Anyway, Barrington did remove Wellings early on, bringing the very much out of form Dave Leese to the middle, where he joined ex-Moddershall player Shaun Welch, who came to the club in 1991 from Porthill as a reasonably prolific opening batsman and left last year as a photographer. Hawky put him quickly out of his misery and then, after switching to the Road End, had Tellwright caught behind to plunge Kidsgrove in a bit of trouble at 79 for 3 with the last 20 approaching. Another couple of quick wickets would have put us in total command, but it was then that I made an embarrassing blunder that wouldn’t have looked out of place on You’ve Been Framed to let Leese off the hook. Addo had been bowling well at him, steadily applying the pressure until he cracked, attempting an injudicious sweep to which he got a top-edge that ballooned up in the air, slightly behind me. I’d like to think I would have caught it easily but, as I turned, Drew shouted “Barry’s!” I turned to look at Barry, fielding at slip, only to find him doing a pretty good impression of a statue, at which point I realized that I had to go for the catch. However, having taken my eye off the ball, I’d totally lost my bearings and as I looked up again I stumbled, tripped myself up, and came thudding to the turf about two yards from where the ball landed. Not cool… 

The score had moved on to 137 when Dickie Harvey whirled over his arm and hutched up both Leese (who had eked out a painstaking 47 from 119 balls) and the albino-like Andy Johnston inside ten deliveries. With only 7 overs remaining it was improbable that we could pull off a victory, but we kept pushing, more in the hope of collecting a couple of bonus points. Even though the 175 was there for the taking Gary Stanyer didn’t play an attacking shot in anger and amazingly decided to block out the remaining overs for the tamest of draws.

settling in to watch a bit of drying paint

It cannot be an especially thrilling experience playing (or watching) cricket at Kidsgrove when the captain’s philosophy seems to be that of avoiding defeat at all costs (unless this approach is just reserved for Moddershall, for some as yet unfathomable reason). To only make 163 for 5 from 49 overs on a fast scoring ground with a highly attacking field set almost throughout the innings borders on the pathetic. However, the onus is on us to overcome sides that play the game this way and moaning about isn’t going to change their approach.

In the immediate aftermath o the game I therefore concurred with Andy Hawkins’ opinion that the league should become 50 overs per side, winner takes all, and the sooner the better. On further reflection, though, I had to disagree. In Andy’s format, teams that bowl first will invariably go on the defensive from the first ball of the day and the game will become totally one-dimensional up until the last hour, when things will be sorted out in a still-formulaic ‘endgame’. Although nobody likes to play out boring draws, cricket, traditionally, is very much about having the capacity to out-think as well as outplay the opposition. Hopefully, the Powers That Be can find a manageable and fair resolution to improve the situation — perhaps by docking points from teams that bowl slow over-rates, by reducing the number of overs for the first innings to 55, or, better still, by imprisoning negative captains. 

MATCH DRAWN 

MODDERSHALL 222 for 3 dec. (51 overs) 
J Addison 128, R Harvey 35, M Fairbanks 3-72
KIDSGROVE 163 for 5 (49 overs) 
D Leese 47, A Johnston 33

MODDERSHALL 7 points
KIDSGROVE 5 points