'AWNIOGO': BARLASTON (A)

Best  Kept  Village

Saturday, June 24

In the not too distant past Barlaston was voted, two years running, the Best Kept Village in Staffordshire. Obviously the panel of judges never bothered to inspect the cricket ground, as it hasn’t always been the best looked after or most picturesque of sporting venues. However, it appeared that the lads from Barlaston (another of Addo’s former clubs) had been working hard to improve things – not only did we find that the outfield had been cut, but also the wicket was straw-coloured and looked fast and bouncy; definitely too firm for Geoff Boycott’s keys.

Addo didn’t do the business at 1.45, so we were asked to have a bat. Some 47 overs later, at a quarter to five, the scoreboard showed 251 for 1 and half our team was searching for lost cricket balls. I was feeling a tad miffed having been able to watch more of the Rugby World Cup final than I would have liked. With what the pro called a “popgun attack”, baking sunshine, and a flat track, somebody invariably misses out on dipping their bread and in my form it wasn’t all that surprising that it was me.

Conditions were so good for batting that, when Lovejoy had cracked a problem-free and boundary-spattered half-century in 45 minutes, he met me mid-pitch, almost foaming at the mouth, and said “Dog, the league record is on”. Whether he meant highest opening partnership, highest team score, highest individual score, most bats used in a single innings, or some other record isn’t entirely clear; whatever it was, it didn’t happen (apart from the last one). Unfortunately for Addo, Barlaston’s bowling got a little bit straighter during his partnership of 161 with Harv and he had to content himself with the trifling score of 126 not out from 134 halls. Dickie, having carefully played himself in, started to move slowly up through the gears, timing almost everything, swatting balls through the covers with disdain and picking up big sixes with a flick of the wrists. His unbeaten 88, made from only 95 balls, included 11 fours and 4 sixes (three of which came in the last four balls of the innings) and was his first half-century of the season. That left only me out of our top eight batsmen without a half-century to my name (about which I was becoming mad as a speed-snorting sea-snake). 

Barlaston CC pavilion: original, pre-Box design

Our attempt to bowl them out would be difficult on a pitch of such true pace and bounce, and would almost certainly require us to take all our chances, maintain our intensity throughout, and perhaps be given a modicum of good fortune from Lady Luck. We started brightly when Mauler removed Taylor’s off-stump before a run had been scored, but things took a turn for the worse when Cokey staggered from the field complaining of dizziness. Addo, who himself had been seen drinking beer during the tea interval, put this down to Kev’s penchant for a pint or two whilst we bat. However, it transpired that Cokey had a long standing condition called Ménière’s Disease which affects the inner ear and causes the sufferer to lose balance. Disease or no disease, Coke has certainly brought balance to our side this year – boom-tish! – and it was quite distressing to see him zig-zagging off the field with vertigo. 

This setback forced Andy Hawkins into the attack and he immediately produced a gem of a delivery to account for Underhill. At 12 for 2 we had one foot in the door, and another couple of quick wickets would have put us firmly on the path to victory. Unfortunately however, we had to wait another hour and a half for our next success as Eric Riley joined his son (or possibly his grandson) in a stand of 114. Riley senior gave one chance early on, thin-edging a quick out-swinger from Seth, but I was caught flat-footed and didn’t go for what should have been my catch, the ball flashing away between myself and Mauler at slip to the boundary.

As the game moved into the final 20 overs, Harv and Wayne bowled five overs of buffet spin between them, putting Barlaston in with an outside chance of victory. That chance disappeared when the well-set Eric Riley holed out to long-on, where his colleague, Carl Underhill, kindly acting as a substitute fielder for Coke, took the catch with aplomb. Who said sportsmanship’s dead? Andy Hawkins then took the wickets of Darren Dutton and Riley Jr. (who had spent 42 overs flamboyantly compiling his 35 runs) to give us the distant whiff of victory. It wasn’t to be, though, as Neil ‘Emma’ Davies guided his team through to the full quota of batting points and a reasonably comfortable draw. 

Duke of York, Barlaston

A curious nickname is Emma, and one which makes me wonder how he acquired it. Perhaps it comes from some link with the celebrated English authoress Jane Austen, who wrote a famous novel of the same name. Austen died in 1817 from a condition called Addison’s Disease, named after its discoverer, the English physician Thomas Addison. Addison’s Disease is connected with defective functioning of the suprarenal glands (situated above the kidney) and frequently characterised by bronzy pigmentation of the skin. Our own professional, Jon Addison, had a kidney removed as a child, and he does have undeniably bronze skin. While the coincidence is undeniably spooky, it also has nothing whatsoever to do with Neil Davies or Emma; rather, it just happens to be the least tenuous link I could think of to shoehorn this piece of Addo-related trivia into the report. Please accept my unreserved apologies. 

Our post-match mood was reasonably positive on account of us all eagerly anticipating the following day’s Staffordshire Cup clash with Aldridge – all of us except for Smudger, that is, who wasn’t aware of the game and consequently had the task of telling Kim that their planned day out in Blackpool would have to be postponed. Harv, obviously delighted to be back in form, was keen to have a quick shower and leave for a few beers with his mates, but sadly he was unable to wash ’n’ go – as he rinsed his hair contentedly, Hawk kept tipping more and more shampoo onto it. The harder he rubbed to get the shampoo out, the more suds appeared, to the point where he was staggering blindly around the changing rooms with a white Afro. The old ones are the best, eh Minty? 

MATCH DRAWN 

MODDERSHALL 251 for 1 dec. (47 overs) 
J Addison 126*, R Harvey 88*
BARLASTON 176 for 6 (50 overs) 
E Riley 77, R Riley 35, A Hawkins 3-42

MODDERSHALL 8 points
BARLASTON 5 points